Change the Words, Change the Story
The words we use when we speak to ourselves matter…
A version of this article was originally published September 30, 2021 on Medium.
What comes to mind, what emotions and sensations do you feel, when you read each of these words?
FEAR…afraid, worried, tense
PARANOIA…anxious, mental overwhelm
EVIL…disaster, tragedy, death, destruction
Before listening to the audio of this article, please find yourself in a safe, still, silent space where you can listen, investigate, inquire. You may like to have something to write on and with to make some notes…write down new words that will fill your new stories!
Self-Talk Investigation & Inquiry
When was the last time you felt afraid or deeply concerned about something?
What words come to mind, what words did you say to yourself, in your head, about this occurrence?
When was the last time you were feeling anxious about something, and what was that something? How did your body feel during this experience?
What words do you say to yourself when you are feeling anxious, worried, overwhelmed, afraid? What is your typical narrative? I am…what…? Fill in the blank.
Has there been a time in the last 6–12 months when you believed something was wrong in your world, that you were wronged in some way? What was that situation and what words would you use right now to describe the situation to yourself or a friend?
When we get into fear-states or anxious cycles, we tend to use language, words, stories, narratives that support and prolong our feeling of that state.
It’s the same when we are in states of
peace, love, or joy.
The words we say to ourselves and the words we say out loud to others about how we are feeling about an event, situation, or person, make a difference in our perception and reality.
These words make a difference in how others see, experience, connect, and interact with us.
Feelings are temporary and fleeting. But the words we use to describe how we feel or felt stick around, especially when they are negative.
It happens…we slip into a victim-state…maybe someone cuts us off while we are driving to work in the morning, or maybe someone jumps ahead of us in line at the store.
Picture these two things happening to you, explore how you feel, and then say to yourself the words you’d use to describe the incidents to a friend.
Maybe these words are ones you use often…phrases such as “I can’t believe this awful thing happened to me…” or “Why do I always have such bad luck?”
Once you’ve identified some of your language patterns, the words and phrases that frequent your mind when you’ve been “wronged” or anxious, or when “something terrible has happened to me, again…”
Begin to…
get a sense of the energy, the quality and currents of the sensations that move through your body during fearful, anxiety or anger-inducing events…How does it FEEL?
imagine what may be going on in these moments for the other person or people involved, using different words, different storytelling language.
Exercise
Imagine the two scenarios again — someone cutting you off while driving and someone cutting you in line at the store — and now, as you are imaging these things happening to you, consider the words you might use to describe what could be going on for this other person…maybe they are trying to get to a sick child or to grab some groceries for their parent in the nursing home, and visiting hours end in 30 minutes.
What are the words that have now shifted in your mind as they relate to YOU and how YOU FEEL?
How has the quality of the energy shifted inside your body? Are you vibrating, seething in anxiety or anger…or something else…maybe you’re allowing yourself to experience contentment in the situation, saying to yourself…all is well in this moment…I am safe and moving forward in life, experiencing no resistance, no anger…I can take this moment to pause my busy day and breathe, relax my muscles, notice the extra tension in my shoulders and jaw…and release.
Changing the words of the story, by seeing a completely different scenario…not a “woe is me” but a “wow, what must be going on in his or her life in this moment?” has the ability to change everything.
We use words all the time, saying them out loud or in our minds…it’s what our brains do…they think, create mental stories, create dramas where none are warranted, wanted, or needed.
But we always have the choice to use different words, to change our mental narratives. And when we choose to use different words, we can then change our story and the outcome of our moments, hours, days, lives (and the lives of our loved ones who experience us as we are - as an energetically anxious person or a supremely calm human out in the world).
We want to change the negative words that support Stories of Victimhood to words that support Stories of Love…Peace…Goodness — both for ourselves and for the people surrounding us in any given moment.
Final thoughts…
There would be far fewer “victims,” much less misery, if we all began using kinder, gentler, more helpful words — especially when talking silently to ourselves.
What if we could make word substitutions…change the wording around themes and energy that are negative and disruptive, to positive themes and energy that bring about the best in ourselves and others…
What if we could start with these substitutions…
I am afraid. 👉🏻 I am love.
I am anxious. 👉🏻 I am calm.
Evil is everywhere. 👉🏻 Goodness fills the earth.
Imagine how good you would start to feel if every time you worried that something was going wrong for you, you replaced your self-talk with words that filled your mind with stories, thoughts, and images of love, peace, and goodness…that your new stories revolved around the Universe conspiring with you and for you, no matter the hour, day, season, or reason.
Because, even though it doesn’t always feel like it…the Universe is inherently “good” and all the beings of the Universe are made by, with, and of “love.”
And you too, my dear…you are Love, you are Peace, and you are Goodness…right to your very core…so I encourage you to start talking to yourself with the words that will support your new stories!!
xoxo
Michelle
