What if...?!

Anxiety and her partner Control vs. Peace and her partner Surrender

Oct 01, 2024

Breathe neon signage — Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

What if?!!! It’s a pretty standard question curious children and anxious adults ask all the time!

As adults, our examples are all over the place and occur constantly.

What if people think I’m stupid?
What if they misinterpret me?
What if I said the wrong thing?
What if I can’t sleep tonight?
What if they can’t figure this out without me?
What if I get there and realize I forgot something?
What if…disaster after disaster after disaster…?!

Why is it the standard, child what if questions usually center around funny, fantastical, and impossible situations like…

“What if you were flying to the moon to see if unicorns lived there, and when you arrived at midnight all you could see was a pitch-black magical forest and you forgot your flashlight so you had to wait until morning to start searching?”

…while the standard, adult what if questions usually center around all the worst case scenarios, like the ones listed above?

Could it be…

Our minds prefer the pattern of an appearance of controlling things over the action of surrendering our outcomes to the greatest good for us, our families, our communities…for all?

And all the while, unknown to ourselves, we tune in to these what if thoughts and we believe we are placing the present and future within our range of control…but it actually leads us straight into anxiety’s lair?

What if?!

Control vs. Surrender

Let’s play a matching game!

Match the words: 1) Control and 2) Surrender with the words below:

a) Tight. Constricted. Tension. Holding. Limited.

b) Open. Expansive. Calm. Giving. Free.

Next, consider…

When do you find yourself holding your breath? (Maybe this isn’t something you’ve really considered before.)

Think about the last time you felt anxious, in need of controlling something or the actions of someone else, or an outcome.

Can you close your eyes and go back to that moment to notice if you emotionally felt worried, agitated, overwhelmed, tired…and physically felt tense, tight, clutching, grasping, holding.

How was your breath in this moment?
Was it flowing freely throughout your torso, your body?
Or did it stop short somewhere, maybe in your chest or heart area?

Next, can you remember a moment or time where you choose to be open, flexible to something occurring? When you surrendered your clutching grip and anxious mind so you could land where you were meant to land, receive what you were meant to receive, be where you were meant to be, do what you were meant to do?

How was your breath when you were in a state of surrender?
Was it flowing expansively throughout your chest, heart center?
Did your breath help you feel a sense of expansion, peace?

There are no right or wrong answers or experiences of your breath…only what is, in the moment.

And if you, your body, your breathing feel tight, tense, blocked…while it takes awareness and practice…you can shift into a state of mental, emotional, physical expansion, peace, freedom…

…through the breath.

Did you make the word match above?!

Control: An experience or tendency to cling to an outcome causing the body and breath to feel tight, constricted, tense.
Surrender: An experience or tendency to accept an outcome causing the body and breath to feel open, expansive, calm, free.

So, What Can You do?

Awareness is the first step! And it begins with a subtle, quiet practice of noticing, observing.

You may notice yourself asking the anxiety and control fueled “What if” questions.

You may notice feelings of tightness or tension somewhere in your body, like your hands, back, jaw, shoulders.

With each noticing, choose to become mindful of your breath. Slow inhaling and slow exhaling can soothe and calm the nervous system and allow you to make different choices…for your mind, mood, actions, inactions.

With each inhale you might repeat the word “I” and with each exhale you might repeat the word “Surrender.”

Inhale…I
Exhale…Surrender

Then begin to notice what shifts.

Does the tension begin to dissolve?
Does the breath begin to expand into your torso?
Does your mind begin to shift into a state of peace and surrender?

I will repeat again…this is a practice…it takes time. And once you’ve adopted the practice into your life and you work with it daily…IT WORKS!

And when you feel ready, you may choose to work with a second intention (or mantra), along with I surrender…

My Anti “What if” Mantra

If it happens, it happens.

When I start to notice my mind wandering into that tension filled, heart racing, tight breathing, what if asking arena, I swap the negative mantra (the what if questions) with a positive one!

Instead of allowing my mind to create and repeat worst case…what if scenarios…I switch to repeating the phrase…if it happens, it happens.

This phrase allows me to move into a calm-down stage of anxiety and begin to see things from a more positive, realistic perspective.

If it happens, it happens becomes the answer to all of my worst case what if scenarios.

Once I have the answer…if it happens, it happens (and, 🤷🏼‍♀️ shrugs shoulders)…I can then switch the what if questions to their opposite scenario…

What if I actually help someone?
What if my words allowed someone else to move forward or heal their emotional pain?
What if I sleep like a peaceful baby and wake refreshed?
What if they have the best time and find a new way of doing things when I’m not there? What if they need to enjoy this experience together?!
What if everything goes better than I can imagine?
What if…beautiful experience after beautiful experience after beautiful experience…?!

What if…Control…Anxiety
or
If it happens, it happens…Surrender…Peace

You get to choose the way.

Final thoughts…on Asheville 💔

My beginning as a yoga and meditation teacher took form in Asheville.

My business, Elk Mountain Wellness, LLC, was named after the road to our sweet little home there.

The image at the top of this newsletter was taken at the Biltmore.

In 2016, moving to the city was a dream made manifest.

My heart is just crushed, broken over the news of the destruction of the city by Hurricane Helene.

So many memories of vacationing, honeymooning, living in Asheville.

Now we are in Florida, where hurricanes and their destruction are expected. They are not expected in the mountains where one finds such deep history, serenity, peace.

To accept the inevitable changes that have been brought on, and the disappearing of the physical places that hold the trigger for so many special memories that have been destroyed by the storm…

This requires a state of surrender.

It is difficult…it feels difficult, heavy, and perhaps impossible.

To accept and surrender to the fact that we are no match for Mother Nature. When the course is set, there is little we can do, whether that be in the eye of the storm or floating in the ocean, or preparing for something we truly desire…

To have faith in the act and practice of surrender…this is the way to live in a state of peace. This is the way to weather any storm.

Mother Nature and God offer us daily opportunities to surrender. It is up to us to master our minds and choose…again and again and again.